This is from what i wrote on facebook... i wanted it put here also. Right now as i type this it has been 1 year. It is 1am on 10.31.13. Halloween. I miss you more with each day that passes Josh. My heart literally hurts. A part of me went with you that day. I love you...
To my son, Josh, you would be 21 today. An age you couldn't wait to be, well, it's here & you're not. :'( I still try on a daily basis to wrap my head around the fact that you're not here. Today is going to be very hard for me, our family, your friends & everyone who knew you. It feels like yesterday that i got the worst phone call i had ever, in my life, had to answer. In 5 days from today it will be 1 year on 10/30. I can't even believe that. 1 year since i seen your amazing smile, heard your awesome laugh that was contagious & felt your inviting hugs. They say everything happens for a reason, i don't understand that saying anymore. I should be saying Happy 21st Birthday to you & hugging you tight and & telling you i love you, with you telling it right back. Life is different, thoughts of you are constant. The tears... oh so many tears. Sleepless nights, where thoughts of you take over & i wonder what i should or could have done differently. The heartache i feel is unimaginable. 3 Today is your birthday, today is your day for me to celebrate without you, i don't know how to do that. I wish you were here. I want to hug you, see your smile & hear your voice. Tell you i love you. I hope you're happy, smiling & loving where you are, where ever that may be. Josh, may the angels sing to you today & embrace you in the loving way you would get at home. Happy 21st Birthday Josh, from me to you with unconditional love. I love you to the moon & back & more. <3 Keep sending me 10 25, i see it everywhere, i love the signs you send. Savannah sends you love & she draws you pictures of kitties all the time. She misses you, as we all do. You would be so proud of Jesse, Alisa & Sam, working and going to school, gotta be pretty tough juggling both & missing you at the same time. Please send mom, papa, Nick, Krissy, Jesse, Savannah, Alisa & Sam some love, i am sure they could use some from you today, along with the rest of the family. While you're at it, i am sure all your friends could use some as well <3 Help us get through.
You're loved & missed so much Josh. Constantly on my mind & always in my heart. Happy 21st. <3 I love you.
Love Always, mommy Close